The Help

One of the few things that I do for myself is that I have a woman to come in and clean for me twice a month. Molly (not her real names) has been with me for about 15years off and on. Molly cleans pretty well and doesnt charge me a lot but she does have issues.

First of all, Molly doesn't drive. She does her cleaning during the morning hours and works at a nursing home in the evenings while depending on her customers and her family members for transportation. It is kind of inconvenient for me, a spoiled woman who is not necessarily known to be a morning person, to get up earlier than usual to drop my kid off at school, pick up Molly, take her back to my house, then head off to my office. My usual morning routine is that I get up with just enough time to get dressed, rush my child out the door to school just beating (most of the time) the tardy signal and then off to work. Luckily, Molly doesn't live too far from me so I have to just bite it and pick her up on the days she cleans for me.

Secondly, while Molly has a great personality, she isn't a rocket scientist. I don't think I have ever seen her read or write anything. I have given up leaving her notes and have resigned myself to the fact that I will have to give her the same instructions over and over again.

Now, that doesn't mean Molly isn't smart. Over the years, I have observed that Molly is a very savvy negotiator and has great planning skills. She will only accept cash for payment (hmmm.....) and will never give you a specific amount that she charges. She says that you can just pay her what you think the cleaning is worth. She will however ask for any clothing, appliances or household items that you might be thinking of getting rid of. Or even if you aren't planning to get rid of something, Molly will ask anyway just to get her bid in. She used to tell me that she had a family member (usually a sister) who had lost everything in a fire and needed _________________ (fill in the blank with clothing, shoes, dishes, computer, etc.). After many years, many sisters, and many fires, I found out that Molly sells the stuff in a booth at a local flea market on the weekends.

So, on to the last and probably most annoying issue. Molly drinks. When she is at my house, she drinks my husbands liquor... his good liquor. I am talking Gentleman Jack, Wild Turkey Special Edition, and Crown Royal. The last few times Molly cleaned for me, I have found one of the plastic cocktail cups we use for entertaining left on the back deck... sometimes with melting ice and a cigarette butt or two. This last time, when I picked up Molly, she seemed a little...off. Her appearance was kind of disheveled. Her skin was very oily and her hair didn't seem to have been combed. I was surprised but Molly explained that she was off that day and was going right back home after helping me. Ok..... I dropped Molly off as usual and went off to work.

When I returned that evening, I found that one of my champagne flutes (I put them out in preparation for the holidays) had been broken. One of my son's bath towels had been ruined with bleach stains. Molly had used one of my son's favorite t-shirts as a cleaning rag and... my husband's Gentleman Jack bottle was almost empty. Of course, further investigation revealed one of the plastic coctail cups on the back deck next to another cup holding cigarette butts. It seems that Molly works hard to finish her cleaning early so that she can relax with a smoke and a drink before her ride comes to pick her up.

Guess I will have to have a talk with the help.

For Colored Girls -- My Two Cents

I had heard a while ago that Tyler Perry was going to produce For Colored Girls and I was not happy. I mean, this work of art was an icon of my very young adult hood. The play and its characters meant something to me. I knew them and they were me.  I had read the prose poem until I knew parts of it verbatim. So, when I heard that Tyler Perry was going to do the movie, I had issues.

I know that TPS can do more than the Madea movies. I have always believed that. And, I have always believed that Tyler Perry is working toward becoming a great teller of the stories of African American people. My first concern, though was that this particular story was over his head.

There was a rumor (and I dont know if it is true or not) that Beyonce would have a role. I swore that if Beyonce was in this movie, I would not see it. I know that any of the characters would be beyond Beyonce’s fledgling acting talent. Sorry, Bey, but I gotta call it like I see it.

Anyway, there was no Beyonce role but I still had my reservations about Tyler Perry. I did, however, go to see the movie on opening night. I went with a group of 4 high school and college aged girls that I mentor and a friend from work. The younger girls were not really familiar with Ntozake Shange, the original play or prose poem. So we got our tickets, popcorn and diet colas and seated ourselves in the theater to watch the movie.

First, let me tell you. The entire theater felt like a Circle of My Sisters meeting. There were women of all ages from high school to good and retired. Everyone seemed to come with their ‘girls’. I saw groups of sorors from different Greek organizations, Eastern Stars, groups of two and three BFFs, a bridge club, a couple of bookclubs, and some crews of ride or die homegirls. It was fabulous and felt good to see all of us black girls there representing.

So the movie starts and it was on. Ok, there was a little more commentary and nervous laughter than I really care for. And the movie? It was good. The cast and the acting was excellent. I could not have asked for better. I felt a connection to the stories and even recognized some of the poem in the dialogue. I enjoyed it more after I got over the fact that it wasn’t really the movie version of the play that I was hoping for. Tyler modernized and screenplayed with the original and that wasn’t what I was looking for. He took artistic license and added in a couple of characters. I believe that he wanted to ensure that there was at least one image of a positive black man in the movie. I am not mad at that but that is still a departure from the original.

Yet, I am hoping for a revival of the original play. Hoping to, again, feel that story move me with the emotion and passion that I felt 35 years ago when I discovered For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide when the Rainbow was Enuf. In my most honest moments, I admit that I am pouty about the fact that For Colored Girls is about me and us as black women. So why is a man telling our story? I believe that the treatment would have been different if it had been done by a woman. There, I said it.

Recession Budget Diva

The recession. The news that people are losing their jobs, their homes and their retirement has us all on edge and given us new reasons to evaluate our spending and saving habits. For a fly, fashionable, medium maintenance diva like me, the recession has me doing a double take.

I mean, before this particular recession (this is not the first recession I have lived through, remember 1994?), I had a shopping habit. Some of you might call me a shopaholic but I don’t think I was quite that bad. Maybe I am in denial since I always try to be kind to myself but I really do know some shopaholics and I am not even in their league. Nevertheless, I probably spent too much and bought more than I really needed in the way of clothes, shoes, accessories, makeup, perfume and other girly stuff.

I am a fanatic for a certain kind of department store cosmetic brand that is a bit on the pricey side. For a long time, I used that brand exclusively and turned my nose up at other less expensive brands. This particular brand was a kind of status symbol that made me feel like I was pampering and taking good care of myself. My favorite scent is expensive too. I have to order it from a well-known department store since the department stores in my small southern town don’t even carry it. I kept bi-weekly spa appointments for a mani, pedi, and waxing. I always brought my own high-priced nail polish to the spa even though the spa used the exact same brand.

In my defense, I have always prided myself on being a bargain shopper. I love good quality clothing, jewelry and cosmetics but I don’t want to have to pay a lot for them. My eyes light up when I see a sale sign or find a clearance rack. I could rack up frequent flyer miles at the off-price stores and websites. Even when I bought that expensive nail polish, I always shopped the selection from the previous season so that I could save a couple of bucks.

But in a tough economy, even a good bargain is difficult to justify. Should I go ahead and buy the $200 shoes on sale for $80 or put that money in the emergency fund? Is the $30 for a silk designer blouse a valid purchase or should I put that money in the hard times grocery jar? How does a diva with a slight shopping habit still look good on a low budget?

Well, I will tell you, but first let me tell you a story. Not long ago, I visited a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in a long time (I will call her Anna). Anna and I caught up with each other over a dinner. While we chatted, Anna reminded me of how we used to take care of all of our beauty maintenance needs for less than $20 a payday. She recalled that we used to do each others hair and do our own manis and pedis while chatting on the phone with each other. The thing we used to look forward to the most was shopping in the local drug store for nail polish, lipstick and eyeshadows. We purchased name brand shoes, clothing and perfumes from TJMaxx and Marshall’s. We would even have our own private contests to see who could put together an entire outfit, including shoes, handbag and accessories from TJMaxx. But then, we started moving up in our careers, making more money and discovering that we could afford to purchase more expensive stuff.

How do I maintain my medium maintenance diva status, even in this economy? I had to go back to those skills I learned when I didn’t have much money to spend but was still able to look like a fashionista. I started by doing some online research. I found out that there is a whole culture of money conscious shoppers out there.

I consulted the fashion and beauty gurus on Youtube and other websites, many of whom are on limited budgets also. One of the things I discovered is something called “dupes.” In the world of cosmetics, a dupe is an item similar to another item from a different brand. Often a dupe is an inexpensive alternative or substitute to a high end item. There are dupes everywhere. That expensive brand of cosmetics I love so much has a lot of competition from less expensive brands, including those found in the drugstore. That means that usually I can find makeup of very similar color and good consistency for a much lower cost. There are dupes for fragrances too!

I started reading labels on products like shampoo and conditioners, body butters and lotions. There are certain ingredients I have learned to look for or avoid. Some manufacturers make salon products that you can find in beauty supply stores. There are products whose names are not so familiar but that deliver great results. I’ve gone back to doing my own manicures and the results are really good!

While I still love to shop for shoes and clothes, now I take the time to look for deals online as well as in the store. It is easier to comparison shop and I have reduced my impulse buying tremendously. I rediscovered off-price stores and outlets. How could I have ever forgotten about the deals you can find there on clothing, shoes and accessories!

So now, I feel like my free wheeling spending days have come to an abrupt and screeching halt. But I still want to look good and I still love to shop. And I have learned how to do both in this economy with a little research, a good budget, an inventory of what I already own and a bit of willpower. You can do it too!

Promises of a New Year

I know that a lot of folks made resolutions at the beginning of the year. So, here we are about six weeks into the new year and most of those resolutions have been broken or forgotten already. A few years ago, I stopped making resolutions. Resolutions seemed useless and frivolous to me. They were like bad promises that I dont think I ever really intended to keep.

Then, I read an article that changed the way I looked at New Year's Resolutions. I don't remember the title of the article but the gist of it was to not make resolutions. Rather, the author suggested that one should set a few realistic, achievable goals for the year. That made so much more sense to me. I understand goals much better than I have every understood resolutions and I believed that I could actually achieve them.

See, goals are something that you work toward whereas, it seemed to me, resolutions were something that needed to happen immediately. When I set a goal, I immediately create a plan to reach it. Sometimes those plans are very detailed and comprehensive and sometimes not. I try to set goals in different areas of my life. For example, I might make a goal in the areas of health, career, finance, relationships or personal development. Sometimes it is a simple as trying a new hobby or taking a trip to a certain place. It could be a personal acheivement like finishing a project or taking a class. A couple of years ago, I decided to locate and develop a closer relationship with some relatives who live far away and to whom I hadn't communicated for a while.

The important thing is to not just make up goals in your head and leave them there. You have got to write down your goal, timeframe it and figure out what steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Give yourself enough flexibility to recognize and take advantage of opportunities as they come to you throughout the year. Get your support network of friends and family on board to help coach you when you need it. Periodically check your progress, say monthly or biweekly, to help keep yourself on track. Lastly, make sure you congratulate yourself and celebrate successful steps toward your goal. If something doesnt work like you think it should, don't give up. Try a different approach. Again, that is where your support network can be helpful.

The good thing about setting goals rather than making resolutions is that you can set goals for yourself at any time. I have set three simple goals for myself this year in the areas of career, finance, and personal development. I have a plan and have made some progress. I will let you know how it goes.

If you have given up on your resolutions or if you just want to try goal setting instead, let me know how it goes for you.

Post Racial America?

Ok. The president is Black. The new Disney princess is black...finally. Then, the new Miss America is Black. Wow! Something big is about to jump off. I dont know what it is. If you think the Republicans were screaming "Let's take our country back!" a few weeks ago, just wait till this stuff sinks in.

Avatar: Is Racism Fantasy?

I might be the last person on earth (or at least in my town) to see the movie Avatar. Avatar was one of the "must-see" movies during this holiday season. I had watched the movie trailers and I love science fiction so I just knew this would be a great movie. My husband, eight year old son and I went to see the 3-D version this afternoon.

Avatar was certainly beautiful! I had heard that it was one of the most expensive movies ever made. I was immediately drawn into the fantasy world of Pandora and the spirit of the people who live there. The story line was engaging and entertaining. The thing is, though, that I bring my whole self to every situation I experience and I have to say that the racial overtones in Avatar were in no way subtle.

The indigenous people of the world of Pandora were definitely meant to be evocative of people of color. The physical features like full lips, high check bones, microbraids or locs had to be intentional. Even many of the actors who "play" the main characters of the Pandora world are people of color, that is Black, Latino and Native American people. Now, that is not the problem. I love movies, especially scifi movies, that include people of color.

Why is it, though, that people of color (especially black people) are always portrayed as innocently naive people who can not save themselves from threatening situations? Why is it that the white man can always come into the community of color, get the prettiest, smartest girl/king's daughter/main women of color, beat down the best warrior/king/main guy of color, save the day and win the admiration/respect/undying love/loyalty of all the people? And of course, the main guy of color is always killed/shamed/rendered impotent. I mean, why is that? Is this the white man's way of living out his fantasies?

I was embarrassed that my son was watching this movie where someone whom he would one day look like is being portrayed as not being able to utilize his own resources to save his own and his people's collective asses. Let alone not being able to hang on to a woman who had been promised to him from birth. On top of that, the white man had only lived in the village for 3 months and he figured out a way to become a legend when all the other men in the community, no, in the entire world could not!

Of course, as always and as is realistic, the humans (mostly white) were the aggressors, wanting to destroy the community of color in order to make money. In one scene near the end, when the head of security is rallying the troops to destroy the sacred home of the indigenous Pandorans, the directors made sure that people of color (Latinos, blacks, etc) were seen agreeing with the strategies and plan to destroy/kill/eliminate the "hostiles." I mean, come on, that was a heavy handed way of saying, "See? This is not a white vs. people of color thing!" WTF!

See this is why I can never be a movie reviewer. I have no patience for racism no matter how its dressed up, no matter how many awards it receives and no matter how many people are enthralled by it. Avata is a beautiful movie and many people will pay to see it. My son thought it was great and wants to see it again. I, however, can not leave my consciousness at the ticket booth with Avatar or any other movie.

Personal Trainer

Ok, so I decide that it is time for me to get serious about regaining my sexy. No, let me rewind that. I don't believe that I ever really lost my sexy but I will admit that it is shaped differently than it once was. So, my vanity and denial aside, I decided to go for the Holy Grail of Fitness. I got myself a personal trainer.

Today was my first day and I wanted to make a good impression so I got up early and packed my workout bag. I made sure that I had a healthy breakfast and rushed my son to school so I wouldn't be late. Then somewhere along the way, I realized that I was scared to death and it took me a minute to figure out why.

I'm a bit past 40. So when I started to think about what kind of training was in store for me, I admit that I got a little skittish. The trainer had told me over the phone that I could drop a couple of dress sizes by the new year if I wanted to work at it. At the time, I was sure I did but now that I was almost at the gym, I wasnt so sure. I have seen some of these trainers and their "take no prisoners" style on those TV shows where celebrities cry and strain to get their hollywood bodies in shape. Was that how it was going to be? Would I lose all my cool points by passing out on the track? Would I end up looking like a wussy middle aged wimp?

I got to the gym and by this time my stomach was in knots and I was considering backing out. Maybe this personal trainer stuff is not for me, I was thinking. But then, I put on my big girl panties (actually boy shorts) and made my way into the facility. I can do this! I keep chanting that to myself all the way from the parking lot, through the lobby and past the receptionist. It's going to be alright. I walked up the stairs and into the workout area.

Of course, the first thing I see are these two sweaty, cute and obviously in shape guys lifting weights. I put my bag in the corner near the door in case I needed to make a quick exit. I asked one of the guys if they knew where I could find Bert, my trainer. A moment later, Bert came swinging around the corner, told me to grab my bag and to follow him to his office. I did.

Once there, he took in my workout gear and said, "You wont be working out today. The first day, we just talk."

What? I had just pumped myself up for nothing! I didn't say a word. I tried to act like I was cool with it. We talked. Bert gave me a tour of the facility and talked about his training style. I saw him work with a couple of other women who were also a bit past 40 and I decided that I liked his style. I think I made a good choice in trainers. Needless to say,I have an appointment to actually work out tomorrow. Pray for me and I will let you know how it turns out.

Keeping it Diva

I haven't been here in a minute but I have a good excuse for that. I have been in the process of "re-inventing myself." Yeah, I know; very cliche' and I hate cliche' but I don't know how to say it any better. Mostly, when I hear people use that term, it usually means something like: "I changed my hair color!" or "I went on a diet" or even "I'm done with that relationship and I am moving on." But what I mean is this, I have started a new business; I have made a renewed commitment to my family and my faith; I have begun a new focus on my health, wealth, and career; and yes, I am planning to change my hair color!

So, that's whats up with me. I've still got to do it the way I do it. That means, keeping it Diva!

Keeping it Diva!

I haven't been here in a minute but I have a good excuse for that. I have been in the process of "re-inventing myself." Yeah, I know. very cliche' and I hate cliche' but I don't know how to say it any better. Mostly, when I hear people use that term, it usually means something like: "I changed my hair color!" or "I went on a diet" or even "I'm done with that relationship and I am moving on." But what I mean is this, I have started a new business; I have made a renewed commitment to my family and my faith; I have begun a new focus on my health, wealth, and career; and yes, I am planning to change my hair color!

So, that's whats up with me. I've still got to do it the way I do it. That means, keeping it Diva!

Defeating Low Self Esteem

It is not uncommon for to have moments when we feel less than adequate or not as valuable as other people we see or interact with. Everyone feels like that sometimes. But when those feelings are persistent, when you continuously feel worthless or inadequate, then you are experiencing low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can stem from depression, anxiety, stress or other physical and mental health issues. Low self esteem can also be the result of past events or situations when you were treated badly or made to feel less than others. Constant insults or abuse can contribute to feeling badly about who you are. You can even cause self esteem issues for yourself by constant harsh judgments or negative thoughts about your own looks, behaviors or situation.

The people who are important in our lives as we grow and develop are the people who impact our self esteem the most. Those people may be parents, siblings, instructors, or others we looked up to and whose opinions we respected. Negative messages from people you admire can haunt you and cause you to feel worthless, unloved, unlovely, not good enough, and on and on.

Self esteem can be increased or rebuilt but it will require that you have a desire to feel better about youself. If you are suffering from low self esteem, there are some steps that you can take that can yield results over time.

First, begin to identify the negative thoughts and feelings that you have about yourself. Take an honest look at who you are. There may be things you want to change but make sure that what you believe about yourself is not just someone else’s negative opinion. Identify what you like and admire about yourself—things you are proud of like your accomplishments, successes or challenges you have faced. Make a list of those things in a journal or notebook that you can look at from time to time.

Take an inventory of the people in your life. Who gives you support and encouragement and who are those that drain your energy and enthusiasm? You may need to make some hard decisions about the people around you. Understand that someone else’s negativity does not have to become yours. Surround yourself with people who are positive, productive and have their own healthy self esteem. You can do without people in your life who constantly put you down.

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Don’t fall into the habit of putting yourself down. Practice saying thank you when someone pays you a compliment. Make it a habit to compliment yourself at least once a day. Be aware of the times that you speak negatively to and about yourself. Work on becoming aware of the things that you are good at and the strengths that you have. Develop and memorize 3-5 positive self statements about yourself. For example: “I have a good head for numbers” or “I have a great smile.”

Lastly, understand that you are a work in progress. You do not need to be the best at everything nor do you have to be liked by everyone. You do need to believe that you are a valuable person with talents, skills, and positive qualities. Focus on the positive and celebrate who

Get Back in the Game!

In my psychotherapy practice, I often run into folks of a certain age who want to make changes in their social life. Some say that while raising kids, working, going to school, paying bills and making ends meet, they just kind of let their social life slide. Now after years of neglect, the social skills feel rusty or out of shape.

After a certain age, one client said, its hard to make real friends. Friends I made in college and when I was single have now moved on or away. Some are still around but we’ve all changed. How do I get back out there?

That is a very real challenge for many over 40 year olds. Our kids are beginning to develop their own social lives. Some of us are becoming grandparents but we still want to get out among folks and socialize or even date. How do we make that happen without seeming to be desperate fish out of water?

My suggestion is to put your life in project mode. Whatever it is you want to accomplish, meet people, date, get your finances in order, develop your spirituality, or go back to school--approach it with a plan. Take a few moments to really think about then and write down what your social goal is. Do you want to meet friends for travel, leisure or pure socialization or are you looking for a potential mate? Decide what it is you want.

Then, keep the plan going by identifying some concrete resources. Are you a member of a social or professional organization? Try to attend meetings and join a committee or two. Working alongside other people puts you in a position to meet people and it gets you out of the house and talking to folks. Does your church need volunteers for community projects? What other volunteer opportunities interest you and the people you would like to get to know? Join a group at work for lunch a couple of times a week if that is an option for you. Maybe you could start a walking club or a lunch bunch. Do you like reading? There are several bookclubs around that do more than just read books. Some meet for dinner or take booklovers cruises together. What about an art or cooking class? If those things interest you, you might have an opportunity to meet someone else with similar interests. Don’t forget to use your family resources. Ask family to think about you when they participate in interesting activities events.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to attend events alone. It might seem intimidating at first but try this. Walk in with a warm smile on your face. Have 3-5 standard opening lines and at least one followup question ready. Walk up to someone and say: This is a great party, have you been to one of these before? When I attend a party or reception alone, I look for a small group of people who seem to be enjoying themselves. My standard line is this: Hi, I’m Taviaz. You all look like you are having a lot of fun and I am here by myself. Do you mind if I join you? Usually the group takes me under their wing and I always meet a couple of people that I keep in contact with.

We live differently today. Life is fast and you can find yourself feeling lonely and left behind. If that is something you want to work on, try these suggestions. Let me know how it works out for you. Contact me at Taviaz@aol.com.

Race Memory

"The idea of slavery is a powerful one. It's one that were suppose to have forgotten but five hundred years later, you just don't forget" Caribbean-Canadian writer, Nalo Hopkinson



I just heard a bit of an interview with one of my favorite authors, Nalo Hopkinson. In in the interview, Nalo speaks about the power of the idea of slavery. She recounts that she had gone to a travel agent to book a cruise. While waiting, she saw a cutaway of the cruise ship and the sleeping quarters. When she looked at the picture, Nalo says that what she saw was a slave ship. Further into the interview, Nalo speaks about the issue of forgetting about slavery and about race memory. After I watched the interview, I just sat back for a moment. Do we all, as African Americans, carry the memory of the inhumanness and humiliation of slavery in our genes? Are we still remembering the hurt and anger of our ancestors?

Most of my life I have known that I have what I call “a touch of claustrophobia.” In reality it is more than a touch. I have a strong aversion to closed in places like small elevators with several passengers. Lately, it seems that I am traveling on more of the smaller airplanes used for short trips and connecting flights. It is really hard for me to get on the plane if the plane is full or if I have to stand in a crowd of people to get on.

I have always wondered why I have this illogical fear of being crowded in a small place. Could it be that small, crowded enclosures trigger this race memory of being imprisoned and packed into one of those slave ships?

Link to Nalo Hopkinson Interview:

HIV Fatigue

Last night I went to an annual AIDS fundraiser that I have attended for the last several years. It is a big deal in the small city where I live and usually people are packed in the venue wall-to-wall.

The organizers went all out with decorations. The theme was red paint and the decorators went crazy with red silk flowing from silver paint cans suspended from the ceiling and walls. The bartenders wore painters coveralls and the centerpieces included clear paint cans with paint brushes and paint stirrers.

This year’s attendance was a big disappointment. I kept waiting for the flood of people that I have become used to but that never happened. I felt really bad for the organizers and for those of us who benefit from the money raised. Everyone kept saying that it was just another sign of a sick economy. I dont know about that. Yeah, I know the economy is rough right now but I think it is more than that.

It seems to me that people have become weary of a disease that can be prevented but not cured. The compassion of the 80s and 90s has worn thin. The face of AIDS has changed and is darker and poorer and more female and younger and much older… and still here. People with HIV are living longer so HIV is not thought to be the crisis it was even ten years ago. The public’s tank is running out of gas. We have begun to lose interest and move on to the next hot topic. We have chosen to leave the issue of HIV behind. What a terrible mistake.

A mistake because HIV is not over. The increases in HIV among women, youth and younger men who have sex with men underscore our need to commit to stay focused on HIV. We can not afford to lose more of this generation or the next to HIV.

Dream My Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about dreams today. I was listening to a TV show last night and a young woman was on the cusp of realizing her professional dream to become a model. The only thing standing in her way was her own fear and anxiety. She broke down into tears and moaned, "I don't to see someone else take my dream!"

She was sincere but my "corny radar" went into overdrive. I sneered a bit and turned the channel. A few minutes later, I changed the channel back because I couldn't stand it. Corny or not, I wanted this sister to have her dream and I wanted to believe that she could have it. It took me a few moments to realize that I was rooting for her because it seemed that if she could have her dream, then there was hope for me too.

Fishing on Good Friday

Wow! I spent the day on a fishing excursion to a local state park with my son and husband. Not being a nature person, it was a struggle for me to agree to this fishing thing. I have a few issues: I am allergic to outdoors, I am grossed out by bait worms, I am afraid of live jumping fish, etc, etc, you get the picture.

Anyway, I went for it and guess what??? Had a grand time. The park was filled with beauty--delicate dogwoods and white flowering Bartlett pear trees. We spotted cranes, duck, and geese flying and fishing right alongside us. A light breeze circled us the entire time.

We didnt catch anything. My son chattered the entire time and kept getting his fishing line caught in nearby tree branches and floating twigs. Still, it was the best fishing trip ever.

Seeing my son so excited over a chance to go fishing with his dad and seeing the hubs relaxed with his line in the water was indescrible.

And for me, a few uninterrupted hours reading a great book: Priceless!!!

You Can't Go Home Again

Today, I am just kind of ruminating about how the world moves on. I remember that phrase from a Stephen King novel I read once. A while back, I went back home and visited a neighborhood where I lived when I was a kid. The block looks so sad and beat up. I couldn’t believe it was the same place. They had torn down Phyllis Wheatley Elementary School, where I learned to read, write, survive on the urban playground and ultimately, survive in life. The city had built a highway that passed right in front of where our old house used to be. The street where we used to play was basically gone. I could have cried.

When I was younger, I didn't understand that whole Thomas Wolfe You can’t go home again thing. I mean, I know he had a whole different thread in mind when he wrote that but right here it seems so appropriate.

Our neighborhood was one of those aspirational African American neighborhoods. When we first moved to that house, I must have been 2 or 3 years old. My older brother was probably 4 or 5 (I should ask him to be sure since he remembers everything!). A white family lived next door to us. Susan, the daughter, became my friend. Susan was allowed to stay up later than me but I could look out of my bedroom window and talk to her while she sat on her back porch.

Susan’s family moved sometime after we moved in and soon the majority of the neighborhood was African American. My kindergarten teacher lived around the corner. The kids in the next block formed a music group that made hit records when I was still a young girl. Pastors, principals, nurses and postal workers lived in the neat home around us. In the summer, the Black Panthers would set up street parties for us kids with games, food and movies. One day, on the way to my kindergarten class, I picked some roses from a bush in the yard of a lady who lived on the corner. When I got to school, I gave the flowers to my teacher. She thought that was sweet. A few moments later, the principal came in to tell me that the lady had called saying that she didnt mind that I picked the flowers but that next time, I should ask first. My mother knew the whole story before I got home.

I had forgotten a lot of those things. The memories came back when I realized that I couldn't go home again.

Ready, Set, GO!

This past week, I have had a lot of time to think about what I intend to do with the rest of my life. Okay, I know, big snore right? Well, yeah but just listen for a minute.

Someone once told me that if you want to do something but you arent doing it right now, then you probably never will. Thats a kick in the gut right? So then today is the day you have got to stop thinking about it, worrying about it, planning to do it or getting ready to do it and get on with it. Whatever your thing is, make a move on it today. Right now. Do just one thing today and then another tomorrow. That's how you get started--then run. Run to your goal and dont look back.

See you on the other side.

After three and a half days, my husband's relatives finally left today. Although I enjoyed seeing them after about 5 years, I was never so glad to see someone leave my house! A cousin and her three young adult children, they were in town for a conference that one of the children needed to attend. The conference was over last night and they left this afternoon to go visit other relatives. Now, my house is a mess, you can hear an echo in my refrigerator and my laundry hamper is overflowing.

As I always say, ther is nothing like family!

Begin at the Beginning

Hey, I am Taviaz and I have been a Diva for quite a while now. There are a great number of us out there and we all are Divas for different reasons. I think the term has gotten a bad rap in the last few years. Everybody wants to hold the title but not everyone is able to handle the responsibilities. More on that in time.

I am new to this blog thing but I decided to try it to see if this would be a good opportunity to talk about those things that you never get around to in polite conversation.

Check back with me. I'll be here awhile. Tav