2012 in the Middle

Well, yeah, I guess this year I’m ready to accept that I am in my middle years. For some, I’m actually a senior citizen! Yeah that’s right, I can get senior citizens’ discounts and I’ve got my AARP card! So I guess that’s it. I’m literally in my middle. I have decided that for me this is going to be nothing but positive so this blog is about how I’m going to start 2012.

I decided to take 2012 and do the 31 day reset challenge featured on the Happy Black Woman blog. I’m going to do 31 days of activities and exercises that should give me the ability to create new possibilities for my life. Give me the ability to think about my goals and actually find my way to higher place in my life and that’s exactly what I want in 2012.

To get started, I completed the first challenge. I chose a mantra for myself: Think like a queen. I chose this mantra from a quote from Oprah Winfrey and although I haven’t been a really big Oprah Winfrey fan, I do respect and admire her for her accomplishments, for her perseverance, and for all the struggles that we probably don’t even know about that she had to endure to get to where she is today. Oprah’s quote says “Think like a Queen. A Queen is never afraid to fail. A Queen knows that failure is nothing but a stepping stone to greatness.”

My theme song for 2012 is the same theme song that I have had for years and that song is “I’m Every Woman”, the Chala Khan version. With all due respect to Whitney Houston, Chaka’s version has brought me through many days and tight situations so I am partial to that one.

The third thing that I did to get started on my 31 day life reset was to choose a notebook to keep my exercises and notes. An actual physical notebook although anybody that knows me knows that I’m such a techie. I have an iPad and all of that and I’m actually recording this on a dictation app for my blog but I like the idea of a physical notebook. I like the idea of an ink pen sliding over paper. So I chose a notebook that I have been using for a few months as a kind of spiritual notebook or a gratitude journal. I really like this journal and I have plenty of room in it for my 31 day challenge.

I am excited about this life reset and ask that you pray for my motivation and perseverance. If you are interested in joining me and others on the 31 Day Life Reset Challenge, check out happyblackwoman.com. Rosetta Thurman has to the whole thing laid out for us and I think it’s going to be great. I’d love to see all of us take 2012 and make it into the most wonderful, positive, powerful, productive year that we have ever had!

Y’all take care. Happy new year!
Taviaz

A few weeks ago, I got together with some of my old friends from college. You know, the kind that really know you but in spite of all that still like you. Anyway, we spent the weekend catching up with each other and remembering old times. It was amazing that so much time had passed in just a blink of an eye. Of course, someone had to pull out those old photos. There we were, the crew from Wilberforce University. We were eagerly posed for the camera, full of undergrad bluster only thinly disguising the fact that we were all just trying to find our way. I saw me staring into the camera, all those years ago. Who was that naïve and arguably innocent young girl? She looked back at me with such hope and anticipation of what was to come… with a youthful confidence that life was going to be good and everything would be just fine. If only I could tell her some things, I thought. If only I would warn her about the bad decisions that she would make, about the miscarriages that she would grieve over, the disappointments that she would live through, the loved ones she would lose, the opportunities that she would miss, and about all the things that would seem so important but would turn out to be just the opposite. I wanted to tell her about the people she should avoid and the people she should hold on to and to be a bit more bold and not so trusting. I felt so sad for that girl who was long gone from me. Then, it hit me. That girl had brought me through some difficult times. Her optimism was what had helped me through life’s crises and challenges. Yes, she had made mistakes but she had achieved some things too. She had had grief and setbacks, as we all will have in life, but she hadn’t let her spirit die. She had faith and passion and courage and she was a lot tougher than she looked. I enjoyed my friends that weekend. I know that from now on, I will reach out more often because time flies. But when I look at them, I see the girls that we all were and the women that we have become. The girl that I used to be was sending me a message across the years. She was saying that life was going to be good and everything would be just fine. I was proud of her… and I realized that that young girl isn’t such a bad old girl either.

Personal Trainer

Ok, so I decide that it is time for me to get serious about regaining my sexy. No, let me rewind that. I don't believe that I ever really lost my sexy but I will admit that it is shaped differently than it once was. So, my vanity and denial aside, I decided to go for the Holy Grail of Fitness. I got myself a personal trainer.

Today was my first day and I wanted to make a good impression so I got up early and packed my workout bag. I made sure that I had a healthy breakfast and rushed my son to school so I wouldn't be late. Then somewhere along the way, I realized that I was scared to death and it took me a minute to figure out why.

I'm a bit past 40. So when I started to think about what kind of training was in store for me, I admit that I got a little skittish. The trainer had told me over the phone that I could drop a couple of dress sizes by the new year if I wanted to work at it. At the time, I was sure I did but now that I was almost at the gym, I wasnt so sure. I have seen some of these trainers and their "take no prisoners" style on those TV shows where celebrities cry and strain to get their hollywood bodies in shape. Was that how it was going to be? Would I lose all my cool points by passing out on the track? Would I end up looking like a wussy middle aged wimp?

I got to the gym and by this time my stomach was in knots and I was considering backing out. Maybe this personal trainer stuff is not for me, I was thinking. But then, I put on my big girl panties (actually boy shorts) and made my way into the facility. I can do this! I keep chanting that to myself all the way from the parking lot, through the lobby and past the receptionist. It's going to be alright. I walked up the stairs and into the workout area.

Of course, the first thing I see are these two sweaty, cute and obviously in shape guys lifting weights. I put my bag in the corner near the door in case I needed to make a quick exit. I asked one of the guys if they knew where I could find Bert, my trainer. A moment later, Bert came swinging around the corner, told me to grab my bag and to follow him to his office. I did.

Once there, he took in my workout gear and said, "You wont be working out today. The first day, we just talk."

What? I had just pumped myself up for nothing! I didn't say a word. I tried to act like I was cool with it. We talked. Bert gave me a tour of the facility and talked about his training style. I saw him work with a couple of other women who were also a bit past 40 and I decided that I liked his style. I think I made a good choice in trainers. Needless to say,I have an appointment to actually work out tomorrow. Pray for me and I will let you know how it turns out.

Defeating Low Self Esteem

It is not uncommon for to have moments when we feel less than adequate or not as valuable as other people we see or interact with. Everyone feels like that sometimes. But when those feelings are persistent, when you continuously feel worthless or inadequate, then you are experiencing low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can stem from depression, anxiety, stress or other physical and mental health issues. Low self esteem can also be the result of past events or situations when you were treated badly or made to feel less than others. Constant insults or abuse can contribute to feeling badly about who you are. You can even cause self esteem issues for yourself by constant harsh judgments or negative thoughts about your own looks, behaviors or situation.

The people who are important in our lives as we grow and develop are the people who impact our self esteem the most. Those people may be parents, siblings, instructors, or others we looked up to and whose opinions we respected. Negative messages from people you admire can haunt you and cause you to feel worthless, unloved, unlovely, not good enough, and on and on.

Self esteem can be increased or rebuilt but it will require that you have a desire to feel better about youself. If you are suffering from low self esteem, there are some steps that you can take that can yield results over time.

First, begin to identify the negative thoughts and feelings that you have about yourself. Take an honest look at who you are. There may be things you want to change but make sure that what you believe about yourself is not just someone else’s negative opinion. Identify what you like and admire about yourself—things you are proud of like your accomplishments, successes or challenges you have faced. Make a list of those things in a journal or notebook that you can look at from time to time.

Take an inventory of the people in your life. Who gives you support and encouragement and who are those that drain your energy and enthusiasm? You may need to make some hard decisions about the people around you. Understand that someone else’s negativity does not have to become yours. Surround yourself with people who are positive, productive and have their own healthy self esteem. You can do without people in your life who constantly put you down.

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Don’t fall into the habit of putting yourself down. Practice saying thank you when someone pays you a compliment. Make it a habit to compliment yourself at least once a day. Be aware of the times that you speak negatively to and about yourself. Work on becoming aware of the things that you are good at and the strengths that you have. Develop and memorize 3-5 positive self statements about yourself. For example: “I have a good head for numbers” or “I have a great smile.”

Lastly, understand that you are a work in progress. You do not need to be the best at everything nor do you have to be liked by everyone. You do need to believe that you are a valuable person with talents, skills, and positive qualities. Focus on the positive and celebrate who