Regifting

This past Christmas, a close relative of mine gave me a holiday package. You know the kind that contain summer sausages and cheese? This one had two different kinds of summer sausage, a package of crackers, some spreadable mustard and spreadable cheese. I was delighted! I thought this is the perfect gift! My husband and I will be able to enjoy this on New Year’s eve.

I took the package home and stored it as mentioned on the directions. I actually went ahead and put it in the refrigerator.

On New Year’s Eve, I made a beautiful snack tray for my family. It is our usual New Year’s Eve tradition to enjoy snacks as we listen to music, watch comedy shows, sip champagne and wait for the ball to drop at midnight. The champagne was chilled. The candles were lit. I had sliced some lovely fruit and decided to add the summer sausage, cheese and crackers to our snack tray. I went into the refrigerator to retrieve the snack package and went to open one of the flavored summer sausages. Much to my horror, the sausage was molded! There were large areas of mold on both packages of sausage.

I searched the package to see if I could find the expiration date. Much to my amazement, the package indicated that it had expired in February 2010! The package was almost 2 years old! Disgusted, I threw the entire package into the trash can.

I called my relative and thanked him for the snack gift and I also informed him that the expiration date was almost 2 years ago. I wanted to make sure that he had not purchased an expired package. He was embarrassed and admitted that this was a re-gift. (duh!) He said that someone had given the package to him and that he had passed it on to me because he did not eat that kind of meat. Hmmmm… As I always say, there ain’t nothing like family!

Well, lesson learned here: If you are going to re-gift, make sure that your gift is appropriate and within the expiration date.

Happy New Year, y'all!

A few weeks ago, I got together with some of my old friends from college. You know, the kind that really know you but in spite of all that still like you. Anyway, we spent the weekend catching up with each other and remembering old times. It was amazing that so much time had passed in just a blink of an eye. Of course, someone had to pull out those old photos. There we were, the crew from Wilberforce University. We were eagerly posed for the camera, full of undergrad bluster only thinly disguising the fact that we were all just trying to find our way. I saw me staring into the camera, all those years ago. Who was that naïve and arguably innocent young girl? She looked back at me with such hope and anticipation of what was to come… with a youthful confidence that life was going to be good and everything would be just fine. If only I could tell her some things, I thought. If only I would warn her about the bad decisions that she would make, about the miscarriages that she would grieve over, the disappointments that she would live through, the loved ones she would lose, the opportunities that she would miss, and about all the things that would seem so important but would turn out to be just the opposite. I wanted to tell her about the people she should avoid and the people she should hold on to and to be a bit more bold and not so trusting. I felt so sad for that girl who was long gone from me. Then, it hit me. That girl had brought me through some difficult times. Her optimism was what had helped me through life’s crises and challenges. Yes, she had made mistakes but she had achieved some things too. She had had grief and setbacks, as we all will have in life, but she hadn’t let her spirit die. She had faith and passion and courage and she was a lot tougher than she looked. I enjoyed my friends that weekend. I know that from now on, I will reach out more often because time flies. But when I look at them, I see the girls that we all were and the women that we have become. The girl that I used to be was sending me a message across the years. She was saying that life was going to be good and everything would be just fine. I was proud of her… and I realized that that young girl isn’t such a bad old girl either.

Get Back in the Game!

In my psychotherapy practice, I often run into folks of a certain age who want to make changes in their social life. Some say that while raising kids, working, going to school, paying bills and making ends meet, they just kind of let their social life slide. Now after years of neglect, the social skills feel rusty or out of shape.

After a certain age, one client said, its hard to make real friends. Friends I made in college and when I was single have now moved on or away. Some are still around but we’ve all changed. How do I get back out there?

That is a very real challenge for many over 40 year olds. Our kids are beginning to develop their own social lives. Some of us are becoming grandparents but we still want to get out among folks and socialize or even date. How do we make that happen without seeming to be desperate fish out of water?

My suggestion is to put your life in project mode. Whatever it is you want to accomplish, meet people, date, get your finances in order, develop your spirituality, or go back to school--approach it with a plan. Take a few moments to really think about then and write down what your social goal is. Do you want to meet friends for travel, leisure or pure socialization or are you looking for a potential mate? Decide what it is you want.

Then, keep the plan going by identifying some concrete resources. Are you a member of a social or professional organization? Try to attend meetings and join a committee or two. Working alongside other people puts you in a position to meet people and it gets you out of the house and talking to folks. Does your church need volunteers for community projects? What other volunteer opportunities interest you and the people you would like to get to know? Join a group at work for lunch a couple of times a week if that is an option for you. Maybe you could start a walking club or a lunch bunch. Do you like reading? There are several bookclubs around that do more than just read books. Some meet for dinner or take booklovers cruises together. What about an art or cooking class? If those things interest you, you might have an opportunity to meet someone else with similar interests. Don’t forget to use your family resources. Ask family to think about you when they participate in interesting activities events.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to attend events alone. It might seem intimidating at first but try this. Walk in with a warm smile on your face. Have 3-5 standard opening lines and at least one followup question ready. Walk up to someone and say: This is a great party, have you been to one of these before? When I attend a party or reception alone, I look for a small group of people who seem to be enjoying themselves. My standard line is this: Hi, I’m Taviaz. You all look like you are having a lot of fun and I am here by myself. Do you mind if I join you? Usually the group takes me under their wing and I always meet a couple of people that I keep in contact with.

We live differently today. Life is fast and you can find yourself feeling lonely and left behind. If that is something you want to work on, try these suggestions. Let me know how it works out for you. Contact me at Taviaz@aol.com.