HIV Fatigue

Last night I went to an annual AIDS fundraiser that I have attended for the last several years. It is a big deal in the small city where I live and usually people are packed in the venue wall-to-wall.

The organizers went all out with decorations. The theme was red paint and the decorators went crazy with red silk flowing from silver paint cans suspended from the ceiling and walls. The bartenders wore painters coveralls and the centerpieces included clear paint cans with paint brushes and paint stirrers.

This year’s attendance was a big disappointment. I kept waiting for the flood of people that I have become used to but that never happened. I felt really bad for the organizers and for those of us who benefit from the money raised. Everyone kept saying that it was just another sign of a sick economy. I dont know about that. Yeah, I know the economy is rough right now but I think it is more than that.

It seems to me that people have become weary of a disease that can be prevented but not cured. The compassion of the 80s and 90s has worn thin. The face of AIDS has changed and is darker and poorer and more female and younger and much older… and still here. People with HIV are living longer so HIV is not thought to be the crisis it was even ten years ago. The public’s tank is running out of gas. We have begun to lose interest and move on to the next hot topic. We have chosen to leave the issue of HIV behind. What a terrible mistake.

A mistake because HIV is not over. The increases in HIV among women, youth and younger men who have sex with men underscore our need to commit to stay focused on HIV. We can not afford to lose more of this generation or the next to HIV.

Dream My Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about dreams today. I was listening to a TV show last night and a young woman was on the cusp of realizing her professional dream to become a model. The only thing standing in her way was her own fear and anxiety. She broke down into tears and moaned, "I don't to see someone else take my dream!"

She was sincere but my "corny radar" went into overdrive. I sneered a bit and turned the channel. A few minutes later, I changed the channel back because I couldn't stand it. Corny or not, I wanted this sister to have her dream and I wanted to believe that she could have it. It took me a few moments to realize that I was rooting for her because it seemed that if she could have her dream, then there was hope for me too.

Fishing on Good Friday

Wow! I spent the day on a fishing excursion to a local state park with my son and husband. Not being a nature person, it was a struggle for me to agree to this fishing thing. I have a few issues: I am allergic to outdoors, I am grossed out by bait worms, I am afraid of live jumping fish, etc, etc, you get the picture.

Anyway, I went for it and guess what??? Had a grand time. The park was filled with beauty--delicate dogwoods and white flowering Bartlett pear trees. We spotted cranes, duck, and geese flying and fishing right alongside us. A light breeze circled us the entire time.

We didnt catch anything. My son chattered the entire time and kept getting his fishing line caught in nearby tree branches and floating twigs. Still, it was the best fishing trip ever.

Seeing my son so excited over a chance to go fishing with his dad and seeing the hubs relaxed with his line in the water was indescrible.

And for me, a few uninterrupted hours reading a great book: Priceless!!!

You Can't Go Home Again

Today, I am just kind of ruminating about how the world moves on. I remember that phrase from a Stephen King novel I read once. A while back, I went back home and visited a neighborhood where I lived when I was a kid. The block looks so sad and beat up. I couldn’t believe it was the same place. They had torn down Phyllis Wheatley Elementary School, where I learned to read, write, survive on the urban playground and ultimately, survive in life. The city had built a highway that passed right in front of where our old house used to be. The street where we used to play was basically gone. I could have cried.

When I was younger, I didn't understand that whole Thomas Wolfe You can’t go home again thing. I mean, I know he had a whole different thread in mind when he wrote that but right here it seems so appropriate.

Our neighborhood was one of those aspirational African American neighborhoods. When we first moved to that house, I must have been 2 or 3 years old. My older brother was probably 4 or 5 (I should ask him to be sure since he remembers everything!). A white family lived next door to us. Susan, the daughter, became my friend. Susan was allowed to stay up later than me but I could look out of my bedroom window and talk to her while she sat on her back porch.

Susan’s family moved sometime after we moved in and soon the majority of the neighborhood was African American. My kindergarten teacher lived around the corner. The kids in the next block formed a music group that made hit records when I was still a young girl. Pastors, principals, nurses and postal workers lived in the neat home around us. In the summer, the Black Panthers would set up street parties for us kids with games, food and movies. One day, on the way to my kindergarten class, I picked some roses from a bush in the yard of a lady who lived on the corner. When I got to school, I gave the flowers to my teacher. She thought that was sweet. A few moments later, the principal came in to tell me that the lady had called saying that she didnt mind that I picked the flowers but that next time, I should ask first. My mother knew the whole story before I got home.

I had forgotten a lot of those things. The memories came back when I realized that I couldn't go home again.

Ready, Set, GO!

This past week, I have had a lot of time to think about what I intend to do with the rest of my life. Okay, I know, big snore right? Well, yeah but just listen for a minute.

Someone once told me that if you want to do something but you arent doing it right now, then you probably never will. Thats a kick in the gut right? So then today is the day you have got to stop thinking about it, worrying about it, planning to do it or getting ready to do it and get on with it. Whatever your thing is, make a move on it today. Right now. Do just one thing today and then another tomorrow. That's how you get started--then run. Run to your goal and dont look back.

See you on the other side.